Emotional side

[Juno]

I am on the count down to my surgery date. I have been dealing with hip issues for many years -- but more acute pain and ROM issues really started in the last 8 mos. I continued on with my normal activities, teaching my high impact aerobics class 5-6x a week, teaching Pilates 3 times a week, running and working full time. After seeing a doc about my then undiagnosed hip osteo, I was, like most of you flabbergasted that I was given this diagnosis and was told I need a THR. Suddenly your world as you know it comes crashing down.

In order to reduce the incredible pain (and be able to walk!) it meant stopping all my high impact activities. I had to abandon training for a 1/2 marathon and give up my aerobic classes. I had been teaching them for 13 years! Even the elliptical machine hurts.

Acquaintances and even friends just couldn't understand why I was quitting the activities I loved. The main question was always -- when are you coming back to the gym? I could describe the issue and pain until I was blue in the face and it didn't matter. I've even had people say to me -- why are you having surgery? You seem to be walking fine. I want to scream and tell them they don't understand the agony that I try to hide daily. Only my husband really understands the restless nights, the continuous popping of Advil, and the limping after only walking 1/2 mile. I am sad that my life has had to change so much in the last 8 months. It's hard to accept sometimes. I'll even go so far to say that the old saying applies --- you find out who your friends are. I try really hard to not complain outside of the house.

I guess I'm asking you to share your emotional side of the story. Have you experienced this? What helped you? I know surgery and recovery take time, - but I'm really wanting to "prove" to some that this a real diagnosis.

Thanks.

[bestbob]

Hi Juno - Was just getting ready to sign off and noticed your post. Regarding the emotional/mental side, my daily life started to get impacted July 2012. Was informed I had mild/moderate OA. I changed eating habits (non-inflammatory diet),  D3 1000, supplements (Permaflex), exercises targeted to OA, and Tai Chi. The pain stabilized but still impacted daily life. I did NOT want surgery. Then, in Nov 2012 the pain started to get worse. I was feeling down most of the time, vented to my friends/family, but did not want to burden them with it too much, so I held a lot in. In Feb finally a Ortho had me get a MRI with contrast (dye), and it showed I had a torn and detached labrum, which explains why the pain actually got worse. I still did NOT want surgery, but by May I could not take the pain anymore, emotionally I was in a mess. Stopped going out, socializing, just worked and came home. I scheduled an appnt with Dr. Brooks, and he said the mild/moderate OA was not enough to justify a RBHR, but add in the detached labrum, and I am. Asked him to fast track me and June 18th had the operation.
- Dr Brooks commented after the operations that the joint was much worse than what the MRI showed, and the labrum was far worse off.

In Summary, I tried everything I could to starve off having surgery, and was relieved (a little scared also) when t got scheduled, and now even more relieved at day9 post op.

One statement hit home for me, I am not sick, and am in recovery. Think about it!

You will be fine.

Bob

[Pat Walter]

The emotional side of pre surgery and post op surgery is really a big issue for many people.  It seems that unless you have  "been there and done that" you can't understand the pain, the inactivity and the upset mood most people have. 

Know that most of us have been in your shoes.  If people don't understand, don't bother to try to explain if they don't listen - we understand.  It is good you have the support of your husband.  Some people have had their spouses not understand!  That is really tough, but everyone got thru it.

Use some positive meditation, thoughts, talks with pastor or consuler and this great group of folks.  If you need some meds to calm you before or after, ask your family doctor.  Don't suffer if you need some additional help.

Many people have this problem after surgery - people think it is magic and you will be back to normal quickly.  Sometimes that doesn't happen.  Here is a page about patients thoughts

http://www.surfacehippy.info/slowrecovery.php

Hang in there and know it will get better soon.  Because people can't understand doesn't mean they are not your friends because it is hard to understand unless you go thru it. 

Good Luck.

Pat

[hernanu]

Hi Juno.

Many if not all of us have had the same issues. No one who has not had this understands the kind of pain we deal(t) with every day. Mine lasted for seven years and was excruciating at the end.

The problem is that as a group, we tend to be athletic and used to working through pain, so we can mask the pain as we go through life.

Also, arthritis has connotations that I tried to avoid. When people would ask me what I had when they saw me limp, if I told them osteoarthritis, they would immediately come back with "but that's for old people!".  So I avoided talking about it to skip the whole discussion.

Then there is the continual and gradual elimination of the things you love. Pain deleted martial arts, basketball, soccer and then just walking with my daughters from my life. To the point that each made my mood and depression worse.

When I could not do things around the house that were taken for granted (I remember one bad weekend, painting a room, dreading going up a seven foot ladder because each rung was agony), the black cloud really hit.

We are under attack. Over time, the attack wears you down emotionally and assails our loved ones, since they see what we are going through and are affected. The absence of that look of dread on my daughter's faces after the surgeries was a joy. They could just walk with me without glancing over to see if I was in pain.

In the end, I don't think there's anything you can do to make people understand. They can't unless they have it, and I wouldn't wish that on them.  We don't have a large wound on our hips that people can look at and realize the injury that you are undergoing.

Our injuries are internal. We look the same outside and so people will do and say insensitive things. When we recover, they won't know the struggle and the payoff. We understand here, and some of our families and friends get it - for me, that had to be enough.

[maxx6789]

juno, i can understand what you are going through!! and everyone here can, too. yes, i experienced many of the same issues you did -- when my first dr said i needed two hip replacements (when i walked into his office complaining of knee pain), i was stunned. walked to my car - sat there catatonic for about 1 hour! but, eventually, you have to play the cards you are dealt. after 48 hours of non-stop internet searching, i was ready to "consider a solution" rather than be "grounded into neutral". talking to others ... helps; talking to others that understand and care ... helps more.

if you ever do want to talk with someone who has been where you are now, i am happy to talk. this site is great, it was invaluable to me in my research and early recovery but talking is a more "real" form of communication. we should have a hip-help telephone support line!! 

yes, some friends are more supportive and empathetic than others -- that's a fact. some people who you think should care, will be more concerned with the weather or the traffic than your hips --- that's another fact. in general, people do care but no one cares as much as you!!

as others have and will say ... you need to do your research, pick the best doctor for your situation, and start the recovery process when the time is right for you. i am about 1.5 years post surgery ... life is so much better, it is amazing; i never thought i would feel this normal and good again. you need to get yourself through the pre-surgery phase so you (and others that love you) can enjoy the post-recovery phase.

[Juno]

Wow! Thanks for the great replies.it helps knowing there are others out there.

Maxx - I am already scheduled for surgery with Dr. Gross on July 10 -- less than. 2 weeks away. I am ready. He will do my right hip. The left hip is scheduled for December 11.

Hernanu -- your situation sounds similar to mine. And I get it -- people all have their own issues and life moves on. They care, but unless you go they this you will never understand completely. Like you, I wouldn't wish this on anyone!

I'm really not depressed. I'm probably more angry at my body than anything else. But that is normal as well. I do find the psychology of this "disease process " so interesting. I'm a RN (work full time), so I've been in the other side of the bed taking care of patients for 27 years. This will be my first big surgery (outside of 2 c-sections). My experience has given me a whole new glimpse....

It's an interesting ride!

[Lauren Lee]

Hi Juno, Well ...the first two days I came home I just wanted to go back to the hospital or go to rehab ...I just didn't see how I could pull this off. I have a great husband but he is back to work, one stepdaughter lives out of town. Family, not exactly around the corner. I am just under 2 weeks in (June 17)and I know that there are challenges ahead and every day is a new day. When I was hit with the allergic reaction I just shook my head and cried.Last night my IT band decided to throb...this has not happened since before surgery and it was bad. Nerves and muscles coming alive perhaps? Got out my rolling pin and medicine ball and worked on it...therapist worked on it. Feeling better. Somehow today...I feel like I have turned some kind of a corner. That any discomfort that I have right now is temporary.
After dealing with the pain of a hip injury, on and off for 30+ years, it finally became apparent even to others I was having a problem. I am just GRATEFUL that I learned about this procedure. I was waiting til I was "old enough" for THR. Last year i began to decline quickly. As a hospice chaplain, it became tougher and tougher to get in and out of my car multiple times a day and going to a new home and not knowing the "environment" got more challenging. Forget about kneeling or squatting  to get down to a patients level at bedside or wheelchair. People would say "I never noticed you limping before", "Did you hurt yourself", or when seeing the look of pain on my face "Are you okay". No I wasn't. But I am now. I don't have a bad leg, I have a recovering leg. I have a body that is getting stronger every day...instead of one that was weakening.
I have determined that until I return to work, my full time job is getting strong and mending well. Now that I am moving better and feeling better I can focus on things outside of what is going on with me...not a lot but it helps to get my mind off of me. I feel kind of isolated during the day, but not alone as I am leaning into my faith (Christian) and looking forward to spending lots of time in the presence of God. Visits longer than an hour or so just wear me out and I find myself anxious to either do my exercises or take a nap. I am on the phone more than normal...I'm already using up some of my rollover minutes. I almost thought about picking up my guitar today but I am still pretty fatigued. Soon.
Drinking lots (water  ), eating well. Just trying to enjoy simple pleasures.
Best wishes on your upcoming surgery Juno. You are in much better shape than I have ever been (I am quite sure of this) and I know that all of that training will serve you well. It may set up your expectations pretty high for the way your body performs but a stretched manipulated muscle is a stretched manipulated muscle. I don't know if level of activity of that muscle pre-surgery has any bearing on speed of recovery post surgery... maybe someone can enlighten. But your endurance and ability to work through will work in your favor. I guess if I've heard one thing here once I've heard it a dozen times...be patient with yourself. I'm trying. You may hear me sharing some fine whine...my journey is just beginning...but what is ahead is waaaaaaaay better than the alternative of doing nothing. You'll be in my prayers and we are all here for each other! 

[bestbob]

Well, here it is the start of day 11 and I thought I was doing pretty good. The past 3 days things were progressing well (for me that is), so yesterday I went 15 hrs. without the Percocet (substituted with Xtra Strength Tylonel), went for a couple longer than usual walks outside, pushed a bit more on the physical therapy, and then it started. Last night there was pain radiating from my incision up the side of my leg to knee, and the thigh and knee swelled up again. Couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep at all, and back on percoset taking one every 4 hrs. Darn, this just makes me feel that the past 3 days was all a waste!

My last percoset was 5 hours ago, and will start all over again back to 6 hr shifts alternating with Xtra-Strength Tylenol.

After ALL the post I have read, I remember thinking to myself that when/if I start to feel better don't get cocky and overdo it. I failed that one, lesson learned. :-)

[chuckm]

Hey folks, I was able to return to playing soccer in less than six months and here is what I did early on.
Except for the stretching exercises directed by my surgeon, I never ever did anything physically that I did not feel like doing. If I didn't feel really UP for a walk, I didn't walk. I didn't exercise at all for strength - just kept at the strengthening for ROM. Even sometimes I skipped a session of stretching if I really didn't feel up to it.

Finally, at about four weeks, one day I just really felt like going for a walk and so I did. And then a couple of weeks later I felt like walking again, so I took another. Meanwhile at four weeks I also began outside PT which I liked going to because it felt good.

At the three month mark, suddenly I felt like walking all the time so I was walking at least three times a week.

I don't recall not wanting to walk and then forcing myself to do it for the sake of rehab. I had a week in there where I didn't walk even once because that week I just didn't feel like it.

This form of "listening to my body" BEFORE I did anything seems to have been very successful for me - rather than listening after I felt pain from doing something that maybe my body didn't want to do yet.

Take from this what you want it really worked for me - oh, and the invaluable foam roller started at 4 weeks.

Chuckm

[hernanu]

Great post Chuck!

I think we have to turn ourselves upside down during early rehab. We're used to pushing our bodies by what we want to do. We want to reach a goal so push our bodies beyond borders to reach that.

There's a time for that after the early healing is done, but until that point let your body lead the way.

Having said that Bob, I consider my setbacks not as failures but as the healing progression in many directions, some of which aren't successful. Obviously you don't push those, but they are bound to happen.

[bestbob]

Thanks for a different view of how to look at thinks Hern. Chuck, also thanks for posting your story. My personality trait is to always succeed, and do the best I can so when I look in the mirror, I will be able to say I did the best I can. After reading the above 2 posts by Chuck and Hern I need to rethink now about pushing myself and getting off the meds. I don't mean I will lay back and be lazy, nor will I take med's just to take them. I just mean I need to bring it down a notch. I tried getting off the percoset and deal with the increased pain with extra-strength Tylenol, not working, so I should not consider this a failure. Just too soon for my body. I know it's been said many, many times before, thanks Pat for this site, and all those that continue to post long after their surgery.

God Bless,

Bob

[Juno]

Great perspective from the guys. It makes sense -- we all say listen to your body's cues and base your recovery in that, but our natural instinct is to push. I know I hate being seen as weak.

I will try to remember this lesson after the surgery.

Funny, but I had to learn this the hard way just three days ago. After using the elliptical I felt good so I did weight work and added some lunges and squats. Felt awesome so I went shopping and on my feet all afternoon. By that night my hips were telling me how stupid it was to do all that in one day. My husband had to basically carry me up the stairs to bed. I was in tears the OA hurt so bad. Listen before and not afterward!! Good lesson.

Have a great day all and once again thanks for the support!

[Pat Walter]

Bob

This was a really good topic.  Thanks for starting it and Thanks for the kind words about the website.  I work really hard to keep it growing and up to date - HOWEVER, this discussion group would be nothing with just me.  The members here are so supportive, kind and helpful.  That is what makes this group so wonderful - the people that post here.

Pat

[keepmovin]

Hi Juno and everyone else that posted on this topic.

I'm responding a week late so I'm not sure if it's still ongoing.  I could have posted my recent decision as you did, 'emotional side', maybe adding 'denial' along with it.  I was scheduled for surgery July 2nd and CANCELLED two weeks before - it was the second time  I cancelled - May 28th was the first.  I was in a lot of pain the beginning of the year, started taking Advil 3X's /day, was on pain meds for a short time before I got a hip shot.

Two weeks later, my hip felt better so I increased my workouts to strengthen the muscles, tendons and hip area while I was able.  It helped so I postponed the first surgery and moved it to July 2nd.  My hip stabilized but quite frankly, my life was never the same.  I still can't walk around the block without feeling pain and exhaustion, when planning fun activities, we have to work out a plan for me if there is walking involved, recently sleeping has once again become an issue, I've had to increase the Advil again.  I put on a good front, don't complain much, especially to friends because they really do not understand unless they have been through something similar.  I might start to say something, see that blank stare and then find myself quickly shutting down the subject of my hip.  Why I cancelled the second is still a mystery to me.  I am quite stubborn and I guess I feel I'll just push through it a while longer until I can't walk at all!  Stupid, yes!  But it comes back to everyone's emotional side and how they deal with stuff!

I'm from New Jersey and you might have heard our new slogan 'We're stronger than the Storm'.  I find myself repeating to myself  'I'm stronger than my hip'!  I had my left hip done two years ago and it was far worse than my right one is now.  I guess I'm waiting for the moment when I have no choice but to get it done.  I guess I'm not looking forward to the post-op weeks after.  I did OK but I wasn't a fast healer - it took a while.  I do get depressed thinking of going through it again, the thought of having two resurfaced hips bothers me (not sure why), and depending on others (that helpless feeling) is uncomfortable for me.

Bob, Hernanu, Maxx, LaurenLee, Chuck and, of course, Pat, you all have great advice and I love all your stories because you all are the lifeline us 'hippies' need and crave!  I'll get there, just waiting until I feel it's time.

In the meantime, I'll be thinking of you, Juno - one more week for you! You'll be in my prayers

   

[Marco Polo]

Keepmovin:

I am sure you will know when it is time for you.  Be careful with the cortisone shots in the hip.  Having too many can make it less likely that you will be a candidate for resurfacing.

Hang in there and keep a positive attitude.  Choose an experienced surgeon and I am sure the surgery will go well when you choose to move forward.

[packman]

For Keepmovin - I grasp some of your reservations. There are a lot of bilaterals here, and I believe you need some reassurances to overcome some anxiety/fears of the unknown - easier said than done.

From my limited experience I would never again get the cortisone/steroid hip shot - short term pain relief and only masks the structural damage and if you exercise / be active thru it, additional pain when you void the steroid seems to be inevitable.

Good luck in overcoming your stubborness, mental block and reconciling the timing - good on you for reaching out for dialogue

[keepmovin]

Thanks for the feedback.  I am not planning on another shot as I did read negative data on the procedure; albeit, after I had it done (locally done, not by my surgeon).  I have a labral tear which could not be operated on, but I wasn't yet bone on bone.  The advice was the hip injection to give temporary relief until I had the hip replaced or resurfaced.  Funny, I've been to a few Drs other than my surgeon (out of convenience and distance) and not one has mentioned the cortisone hip injections to be a problem, but I read differently so hope all will be well.  I am planning on another xray late summer to see where I stand with the surgeon - they are working with me on this.

It's just that with my first, I was on serious meds until my operation.  The decision was easy.  This time, I'm not on those meds so I am having a hard time making the leap.  I think I just have a high tolerance for pain.  Although, like everyone, just nervous about going through it again.

I do baby the hip, cautious not to overdue it and don't work past the pain when I exercise.  I still have good strength and ROM, just can't walk more than a 1/4 mile.

I just, keepmovin....

[chuckm]

Hi keepmovin, don't wait too long to get back to a resurfacing surgeon. Don't go to get the surgery, go to chronicle the progress of your hip deterioration as it relates to being a candidate for resurfacing. I don't know how active you are or how important it is for you to be active, but as OA progresses (which will accelerate now with a torn labrum), you could lose the chance to get resurfaced and be left with only the option of total hip. If a total hip is fine with you then you can wait all you want and still get one of those.

I'm fairly young at 46 and very active. I had genuine anxiety from the fear I would wake up from surgery and find myself with a total hip instead of resurfaced one because of a problem discovered during surgery. That actually happened to a friend of mine.

Like you I really toughed it out through lots of pain before making the decision to get surgery. Arthritic changes can sometimes happen faster than you think. In the recovery room my surgeon told me how he almost couldn't fit me with a BHR because of the changing shape of my femoral neck as a result of OA. It had started to become angular instead of round. He said waiting much longer the device would only have fit by notching the neck which is something he wouldn't do.

Chuckm

[bestbob]

Keepmovin - As you can see, most of us have been there pre-surgery. Is this the right decision, I can live thru this chronic pain so why have a BHR, I'm too scared, the PT will be too much, and etc. You mentioned that you already had one hip done, how did that work out? You also mentioned the torn labrum, I also had a torn/detached labrum, and the OA alone did not make me a candidate. Combine the detached labrub AND OA, and I am a candidate. Regarding the cortisone, I never had a shot due to the comments made by others.

My turning point in making the decision to go forward with surgery was (9 months after my life style started to change), I noticed all I did was work, come home, and socialized less and less. I thought hard and asked myself the question, do I want to be like this the rest of my life, and give up doing so many things that I use to love doing? Well, you know the answer.

I am a newbie here, and only 17 days post-op, but I can say this, the pain I am having now is from the surgery, and the continued PT/normal body healing will make me feel better and better as time goes on. If by chance there is a problem with the BHR near/long term from know, I will deal with it at that time. In my mind I choose the best road to take, am seeing progress, and will be back to do the things I love to do shortly.  I am NOT sick, and in recovery mode.

I was worried about work not approving the time off to allow me to heal, but my decision was, if they don't so what, I will find another job as I DO NOT want this pain the rest of my life.

It sounds like your not yet there in making a decision and sticking to it, but it also sounds like you are VERY close to it.

Regards, Bob

[Juno]

Keepmovin -- thank you for the well wishes. Four more days until surgery -- I am apprehensive (who wouldn't be), but I know I need to get this fixed. My husband and I just spent 4 days in Disney World. Had a great time, but this time was so different from our previous trips. I managed, but walking was hard, getting in and out of rides was difficult - I felt like I had a true disability. I would have actually considered getting a wheelchair -- my pride stopped me from doing it.

I understand your thoughts.... I know I need to have the left hip done eventually. I am not planning on waiting! It's scheduled for December. I want to get my life back. For my right hip, it's been a year in the making and only 4 months since the officially diagnosis. Once I made up my mind to have surgery there was no looking back!

I will keep you all posted on how it goes this week!