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Author Topic: I feel kinda guilty  (Read 1848 times)

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pamela1130

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I feel kinda guilty
« on: October 11, 2009, 09:38:06 PM »
Maybe it's a woman thing, but I don't think my family realizes just how long my recovery is going to take.  I really think that they think I am going to be up and around to my old self in two weeks and preparing a Thanksgiving dinner.  Honestly, I am not sure how I am going to feel.  My surgey is this Wednesday and I am a nervous wreck.  I also run our family business and no one seems to be able to do the payroll, pay the taxes, scheduling, etc., except for me.  I hope I will be well enough to do these things.  Has anyone else ever felt guilty like this before the surgery?  Probably because the surgery is "elective" I feel this way.  By family I mean, my husband and my extended family who is going to have to pick up my slack from the business. My children are grown so there is no concern there.   My husband is very supportive, but I don't want to tell him I might not be back to normal for two months!!  I was hoping sooner.  Well, thanks for listening.  I will just take it one hour at a time.   Pam

medgerton

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2009, 10:37:31 PM »
Once you hit the hospital you need to focus on one thing - yourself.  You need to focus on your health and recovery.

First, think positively about the procedure. It is a great procedure. Your doctor is going to do it right. Then relax because you have done the hard part in getting to the point of surgery. You need to let go of any concerns and put it in the surgeon and his teams' hands (or if you are religous in God's hands).

Once you are out and start your recovery get it in your mind that your new hip is solid. You are not going to hurt it. Focus on getting your muscles annd tendons back into shape in the coming weeks. You need to be an active participant in your recovery. Do the exercises, walk as much as you can, don't push too hard listen to your body.

As far as your business accounting - use Paychex payroll service. They don't cost too much and they take care of the whole payroll accounting nightmare. Your time is better spent doing something else in your business.

But for now - focus on yourself and your health. Once you are hopping around again you can tackle the business.

P.S, I had a fast recovery and was back at work in 10 days. And I don't sit in a chair during the day. I am a contractor supervising job sites. 

 


Pat Walter

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2009, 10:42:17 PM »
Hi Pamela

First thing is this is not elective surgery - you will be in pain and not be active at all if you have a bad hip or hips.  When you have bone on bone hip/s - this is not elective - it is life saving.  You will once again be able to be active and not rely on meds that don't often work as your hip/s get worse and worse.  You could end up like some and be sitting in a chair or wheelchair due to pain and disfunctional hip.  

Resurfacing is major surgery and needs to be treated that way.  It will be a way to get your life back.  No one can tell you how long it will take to heal.  Some people have returned to work in a few weeks while others take months.  Only your body will control your healing - not your wishes, your husband's wishes or your mind.  You body is in control and there is no way to force healing.

You family business will have to learn to operate without you if need be.  Think of it this way - you could have dropped dead, then what would they do.  We all feel we are not replaceable - but in reality, we are.  The family will rally around you and take over what needs to be done.  If not - it just won't be done until you are ready to return.  You can't force yourself to heal.  Normally it is diffiuclt to sit for long periods after major hip surgery.  You will have to get up and move every 45 minutes or so for quite awhile.  

You will just have to let the family get along without you.  Tell them what a wonderful Thanksgiving it will be for them to cook and treat you for a change.  Something for you to be Thankful for and something they will be Thankful for in the future when you are back to normal.  When times are tough, people adapt.  

Stop worrying about it all.  They will get along without you until you heal.  Anyone that is not patient for you to heal or don't understand - needs to grow up or go to consuling.  If your husband had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery - then you would wait 6 weeks or more for him to heal.  You don't rush that.  You don't rush major hip surgery.  

Have a little more faith in your family and husband.  They will understand and support you as long as it takes.  There is no timeline.  Being nervous and trying to solve all the problems of the world before your surgery will just make it more diffiuclt for you physically and emotionally.  Have faith all will turn out well and your family and husband will be there for you.

Good Luck.

Pat
« Last Edit: October 11, 2009, 10:43:58 PM by Pat Walter »
Webmaster/Owner of Surface Hippy
3/15/06 LBHR De Smet

pamela1130

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2009, 08:18:57 AM »
Thank you to both of you.  You would think I'm running the Petagon.  It's a little rinky dink family business.  Your so right.  I guess it is the woman in me.  Doing everthing for everyone and having second thoughts at the last hour. I am going to look at the other side and maybe perhaps they will all realize how much I do for them, though they are always appreciative to me.   I woke up today so hurting and stiff that I know now is the time.  I can' t tell you how much your replies have helped me.  I needed to hear what you had to say.  Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers who have been in the same situation then your own family.  I seem to still walk pretty well, but that is about all that I can do. The last year the hip has deteroiated at an alarming rate.   I am going to try not and think about it too much as you have said and leave it in the doctors hands.   Luckily I have a lady I know who just went to the same doctor and told me the procedure has changed her life and she is only two months post op herself!!!  Thank you again.  You have no idea how much you have helped me to face this.  Pam

hawaiieric

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2009, 08:53:42 AM »
Pam,

You reminded me of my last years cooking of Thanksgiving turkey.  I am almost at my one year mark, all went super well for me.  I was resurfaced the first week of November, and come turkey cooking day, I was a chef on wheels in the kitchen, well, on a crutch or cane would be more like it, but I had fun cooking-oh and I use wine to baste the turkey and that was fun too..but yeah, I was using the counter top as a crutch..and had no problems on the cooking.  I even got it all in my truck with out spilling to make it to my brother's to celebrate the day.  I am wishing you the best in your surgery, and come turkey day, if your ready, you too might be in that kitchen watching over or taking over your family members who are helping you out on the preparing of the special Thanksgiving meal for the year!

Eric

Pat Walter

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2009, 10:14:57 AM »
Good Luck.  Everything will work out fine.  Just relax and think about how great you are going to be in a few months.  No pain and active again.  You will then be a pillar of strength for your family once again.  In the mean time, I am sure they will be there to help you.

You can't help but worry, but now it is all about YOU.  Only about you.  It has to be since you are about to have major surgery and need a very positive and relaxed mind to heal quickly and easy.  You don't need to have your mind worrying about a zillion unimportant things.  One time in your life you need to think about yourself. 

I was walking over a mile a day with one crutch by 12 days post op when I returned from Belgium.  Some people are able to get around well and might even be able to cook that dinner.  If you aren't able, I am sure you can do something different for a Thanksgiving where you will be very grateful for a new hip.  Chinese, pizza or order a cooked dinner from Krogers or a near by grocery store if you can't find someone else to cook.  Remember - the day is about being Thankful for what you have in your life and your family - not about how much you can cook.

Have fun, relax and stay in touch.

Pat
Webmaster/Owner of Surface Hippy
3/15/06 LBHR De Smet

kb134

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2009, 01:38:16 AM »
Hi Pam!
Congrats on your up-coming surgery! We are all excited for you! I may not be in your position, or even near in similarity, but one thing I can stand with in agreement is that you've got one thing to think about: YOURSELF.
I think we can all agree that it does take time - shorter or longer for the meds, the aches and pains, the getting the bladder and colon back to normal, sleeping habits, the use of a walker, crutches, cane and so on and so forth - it is all apart of it. Delegate and empower those around you to help - you're going to need it. Allow yourself to need it, because you deserve it. This is your chance. And take it from me - my Acetabular cup is loose and I am waiting for a revision. PREPARE and plan ahead for rest ... lots of rest, and for rehabilitation - walking and the like. You've got enough ahead of you. You're loved. Fall into the arms of those around you - even if you have to demand it! :-)) Eliminate unecessary stress. Inform your clients well ahead of time - you know all this. You can do it. Make a space to get strong and to experience the fabulous new hip you are about to receive. Don't be shy - ask. And, Pizza can be a really good idea! Good beer and good pizza ...
Happy Thanksgiving and keep us posted!
Cheers!

pamela1130

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2009, 10:38:23 PM »
Thank you for your post.  Tomorrow is the day and I hope I can sleep!!!  I am kind of nervous.  Went out to dinner tonight with the family for Chinese.  It helped pass the time.  Pam

Barbara

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2009, 11:36:57 PM »
Good luck tomorrow Pamela.
Barbara
RBHR 10/13/2008. LBHR 12/08/2008. LBHR revision 1/18/2010, LTHR 9/23 2011, RTHR 12/16 2011............
Dr Pritchet, Seattle

Double Hipster

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Re: I feel kinda guilty
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2009, 11:24:35 AM »
Good Luck Pamela, really hope it went well, this is a time to think of 'number one', concentrate on what the doctors and Physio's say, don't get drawn back into the day-to-day routine of business until you feel right or your recovery will take longer in the long run.....

I hope your family work out what they need to do for you ...

Best wishes

Murray
One careful owner
Right hip a BHR by Mark Bloomfield September 2003
Left hip a Mitch by Dean Michael October 2009
The rest still in original, if tarnished condition !!

 

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