Hey Matt,
I think this is a question we've all faced. I know I did.
I definitely did not want surgery and it took me a bit to wrap my head around it. I was told that not only was one hip bone on bone but the other was nearly there. It explained the pain, lack of flexibility, ongoing tenseness of muscles and general downturn physically.
In a way, I had it easier in that the surgeons (both pro THR and HR) agreed on one thing: I needed something now. There was no ambiguity.
In my case, both surgeries were very successful and the recoveries, while not easy were progressive and hopeful. I had had one major surgery long before, this was (in my mind) my first (and second) major surgeries. So I was nervous, but committed, since there was no alternative but some form of surgery.
I can understand your reluctance. I think we all had it, and as much as I believe in HRs now, I do remember my fears.
As long as you don't put yourself past the timeline for when you can have an HR, there is no deadline for having this.
It is major surgery and you want to be right with it, but I don't think there ever was a time when I was carefree about it.
The second time, I was hopeful and excited to be completely pain free, but considered the possibility of it not working well. In the end, I took counsel of my fears, but went ahead because the fact is that it is not a disease which gets better. It will get worse and I was ready to be done with it.
It is completely your decision and the timing is up to you. Several of our hippies did cancel an appointment and had the surgery later. Whichever you do, you'll get our support here, but I can tell you that for me, the change has been like night and day.
Another thing that you might consider is to look at counseling. I had some depression after each of the procedures, and I was going through a divorce, so had a counselor already (yay), so I was able to talk to him about issues with the arthritis, and I think it really helped.
This is a physical procedure, but the impact of pain, frustration, anxiety when faced with a disease benefits, I think from confronting and treating the mental and emotional challenges as well as the physical.
As a parent of four kids, you're dealing with a lot already, so maybe along with doing core exercises to help with the crutches afterwards, talking to a counselor to alleviate the stress might be a good step.