The top HR surgeons will not make you wait until you are bone on bone. In my opinion, that is an old-school view that's based on the fact that a Total Hip Replacement will only last for around 15 years and you have to wait as long as possible. I think it's almost comical that your first hip doc said that he will fix everything but it won't take away the pain. Pain is caused when something is wrong. What's he going to fix that leaves you in pain?
You've had a lot of work done already and I think you should really think about leaving long distance behind and embracing speed. I raced long distance for years but since my surgeries, both knees, both shoulders, and bilateral hip resurfacings, I race Sprints and Olympics and I love it. I can race every month and I can still do those long endurance building bike rides but I don't need to do them over and over. This year I will be stretching it out to do American Zoffingan F1 (5run, 29bike, 5r, 29b, 5r), all up and over the mountains in New Paltz, NY, but I'm only doing it once, then going back to short course racing.
Good luck with you hip. Keep looking for the RIGHT doctor for you. Also contact Marwin and Su in NYC. Maybe some day I'll be seeing you at Olympic Distance Nationals!