I certainly relate with your feelings. I am post op one week today. I consider my self a logical, rational person who seeks reasonableness with most decisions. I say that only because I got carried away with my what-if game prior to the surgery. I threw out all of the rational thinking as the time of my surgery came closer. In fact, I experience pretty intense anxiety, to the point of panic attacks, all through the night before surgery. It doesn't help that I am also somewhat of a control person. The kind that rather fly the plane than have an experienced pilot make the journey safe. Over the years I have learned to let go the control attitude and relax more with loss of control situations. The rational part of this story is that I found a remarkable team of doc's and had conditioned the hell out of myself leading up to the surgery. I though that I had mentally prepared for a positive outcome. Old habits die hard, as indicated the night before surgery I threw all the planning out the window and found myself back to the what-if game.
Fortunately, my wife all the way to the hospital and the night before reminded me to trust the medical staff and all the pain that I had been in the past year and a half. She reminded me that through the past year and a half that I had lost enjoyment of life, as simple as being able to bend over and field ground balls with the little league kids. I could no longer run which had been a life passion, getting on a bike was even painful to watch let alone the true physical pain. I was only able to ski once last year and couldn't walk for two weeks after that little adventure (skiing is a part of our community let alone a 40 year passion of mine). Last but not least, she reminded me that I walked like a 90 year old person, where only a few years ago I could still run 6 minute miles.
As I mentioned above, I am a rational minded person and I had just been given a large dose of rational thrown at me by my wife and still I would like to have run out of the hospital the morning of surgery. To me I had experienced a remarkable recover in the waiting room. Look I told my wife; I can walk with out pain, I could probably even go for a nice six mile run if I wanted to. Hell, I even stood up and showed her that I walked even with out a limp. A "second fortunately" is that my wife can be pretty persuasive and mildly told me to sit down and shut up. As she put it " You could barely walk out of here let alone run, so relax and start the healing process now." Still I worried up until the moment of VERSED.
One week later I can say that I am excited beyond belief about the possibilities to come. I am progressing much quicker than I had anticipated. Quite honestly, the pain before surgery was much more difficult than the surgery pain. I am up and walking as much as I can tolerate, taking almost no pain meds, and in a sense enjoying the experience. I have been told many times over in my life that our feelings and attitudes are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. Try to not let your anxiety tell your story. Yours story can be one of excitement and wonderment. I wish that I had remembered that leading up to the night and day of surgery and I could have saved myself a lot of needless worry. All will be fine. Trust your doctors and don't be afraid of being vulnerable. By the way, a little anxiety is helpful in making sure all the planning is done prior to any tough situation. Rick
Topic: t-minus one week! (Read 2000 times)
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