Post-Op Blues

[juliaholly]

So, I had left BHR with Dr. Brooks on December 20. He said it was "perfect, textbook surgery" and I got out of the hospital a day earlier than I had planned.

But now I'm home and I'm depressed and freaking out. Can others share if they've felt this way?

I feel like I'm walking around on glass and am somewhat obsessed that one wrong step will cause a break of the femoral neck, leading to revision, etc. I KNOW rationally that it takes more than one step and that Dr. Brooks has had only two such issues out of more than 1,300 surgeries, but still . . .

And it's hard and humbling for me to accept that after running two marathons in six months, and regularly running half marathons and tris, it's now a triumph to dress myself.

I'm not sure if it's normal to still feel pain or not.

I don't know if I'm overdoing it (some friends think so) or under-doing it (which I feel when I read some of the post-op entries here about people walking a couple of miles two weeks after surgery, etc.)

In short, I feel crazy. Would appreciate post-op stories from others on their mental state.

On a happier note: I see a lot of comments on here about Dr. Gross but few about Dr. Brooks. Let me say this: Dr. Brooks was outstanding and the care I got at Cleveland Clinic was unbelievable. Not only is Brooks one of the guys who worked with the FDA to get the technique approved in the U.S., but he is no-BS. Communicates often and clearly. His resident, Dr. Nate Mesko and PA, Phillip Golnick, also radiate competence.  I feel completely confident I got the right guy . . . now if only I weren't so nuts!

[Luanna]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling nuts! You'll find a few of us nuts here on the forum. I actually am seeing a psychiatrist to help me process what my body and mind are going through right now. This is MAJOR surgery....and it impacts not only the body but the mind as well. He also happens to be a top notch pain management specialist so I'm finding him extremely helpful right now.

Many people sail through and have no emotional issues whereas others are quickly in touch with the magnitude of what their body has endured and is still enduring through recovery. Recovery take quite some time so I'd really recommend posting a lot and getting support from us nutty ones and not so nutty ones on the forum.

The pain you are feeling seems perfectly normal. You are still very early in your recovery.

P.S. - I worried a lot about the femoral neck fracture issue since I have such small bones. My surgeon said that it happens in about 2% of cases - so he said to spend only 2% of time worrying about it. That really helped me let go of that worry. Of course, I still have other worries.

Best wishes,
Luanna

[juliaholly]

Thanks, Luanna. I tend to be wired pretty tight anyway. I've done fairly well so far, but today had my first crying spell and felt like it was time to post.
--Holly

[Luanna]

Hi Holly,
I still wake up crying occasionally and for no apparent reason that I can discern. But.... I'm trying an "alternative technique" that my first physical therapist shared with me. She was extremely nutty but her technique has made a big impact.

I hesitate to share it - cuz some people on the forum will think I'm a bit off -  but that's ok. It might help you a bit.

She said to get into a calm state of mind (perhaps lying on your bed) and doing a little deep breathing and then - talk to your resurfaced hip and affected body parts (not out loud). I know, I know....sounds totally off the wall but... then you focus on that area and apologize to your body for having traumatized it and explain to it why you had to do it and promise that you will work together to move forward and etc... (turns out at different times you will say different things to your hip(s) - actually to yourself).

Well...I have to tell you that doing this exercise showed me that I was totally pissed off at my body for having failed me and for having hip dysplasia. I had no idea until I did that exercise how much anger I'd built up. Turns out my crying was a way to express anger, sadness, and loss.

I check in periodically now and do this exercise every few weeks.  I'm not angry anymore. Really you are talking to yourself and dealing with what has happened and helping yourself move forward.

You might try it. I know that it sounds flakey but it has some merit.

Luanna

[juliaholly]

Thank you. That actually makes sense. And I realize I've been angry at my body for failing me at a young age.

[Dannywayoflife]

Holly,
       welcome to surface hippy!
I think that after a major op like hip resurfacing then its only normal to feel somewhat depressed! I know i did! I have a back ground in martial arts and i was depressed for the 18 months before my op as i was totally unable to train thanks to the OA.
Now im 7 weeks 2 days post op and making good progress now and have the prospect of in 10 months time ill be able to train again.
So it does get better everyday. Take each day at a time. Also try not to worry about things like neck fractures your not going to break it by just walking i think they are normally associated with trauma.
Keep your chin up and keep posting on here as theres plenty of people in various stages of pro and post op states who are great at supporting other people in the same boat!
Danny

[WTW15]

As I get more scared about my upcoming surgery and the recovery, it's good to see these posts. Thanks - I feel better too. 

[Dannywayoflife]

Wtw your having your op on my birthday!:-) and I had my op on my surgeons birthday!:-)

[WTW15]

Wtw your having your op on my birthday!:-) and I had my op on my surgeons birthday!:-)

My nephew and a good friend also share this birthday - must be a Great Day!  I'll be sure and say a lil Happy B-day to ya as I go under 

[Dan L]

Welcome;

The experiences you're having are similar to many of us, it's a big deal and change, so completely understandable.  I don't know about you, but the pneumatic air bladder stockings on my lower legs after surgery disrupted sleep pretty badly and did not help with my mood for the first 14 days, and wondering if you may be experiencing that as well.  The narcotics mess with mood as well.

I had an identical extremely positive experience with Brooks and the entire team at CCF, I could not be more satisfied.  I've been around a few truely world-class medical people like him over the years, and he is clearly extraordinarily informed and really uniquely skilled with this thing, and it is executed very well from all aspects.  The care at CCF Euclid was incredible.  In the pre op consult he explained all the pros and cons and the full range of issues with the history of HR, and showed what a revision would look like while viewing my x-rays, and a revision of a revision, which for me made me pretty determined to do everything I can do to avoid that (and if you also saw that in your preop I can certainly see why you may be paranoid about doing anything wrong).

I'm 12 weeks out and doing really well.  If you do all the exercises and follow the restrictions you'll be doing better, every day, with small ups and downs in pain to be expected, but continual progress will happen.  You are only 10 days out so I'd say pain now is to be expected.  The details of how they accomplish the surgical dislocation is pretty hairy, and your body will take time to recover from all of that.

It'll continue to get better overall, just follow the program and do the exercises, and you'll be amazed at the progress.

Dan

[ScubaDuck]

Pain will stay around for awhile but will be reduced a lot as you go along.  There will be good days and tough days.  But the end of the journey is what you need to focus on.  Pain won't kill us.

You are really early in recovery.  Take a deep breath and listen to Luanna and others.

Best wishes.

Dan

[John C]

You are so not alone. I have been a professional athlete most of my life, including martial arts, so I thought that I was pretty good a dealing with injuries and keeping a level head. I was pretty nuts during the first few weeks after the resurfacing surgery. Lots of thoughts like:"What have I done?"  Lots of worrying about whether I was pushing too hard and knocked something lose. My doctor was even understanding enough to have another set of X-rays taken, just to calm me down and show me that everything was fine.
Post surgery should have its own little classification as a type of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Give yourself permission to be a little nuts, and underneath that have the confidence that you are on the road to being so much better.
I am a happy 3 and a half years into my resurfacing, and can look back on those early days of going nuts, with perspective and compassion for what we had to go through to get our active lives back.

[juliaholly]

Thank you all so much for responding. I feel a little better - yesterday was a bad day. I have a high tolerance for pain - as long as I know what it is! When I was dealing with OA, I knew it wasn't going to get better so I knew it would hurt and I got used to it. This is a different story.

On my good days, my philosophy is to approach this like training for a bodybuilding show or marathon: the "race" is one year from now (353 days, to be exact) and the exercises, precautions, etc. are part of my training steps.

This site is such a great resource. I'm sure yesterday wasn't the only crazy day I'll have, so I'll be back.
--Holly

[Dannywayoflife]

Holly that's a great way to look at it! I try to do the same, but as you know it can be hard to stay positive 100% of the time! But that's when the support from everyone on here comes in!
Danny

[hipnhop]

Julia, I know what you are going through.  I really got depressed and sought professional help. It made all the difference. You need someone to talk with.  It gets better. It reallyu does. I am so satisfied with my LBHR after 9 months. I am getting my other hip done in a few weeks.  I dont expect to go through severe depression because I know what this device has allowed me to do.

I push it everyday It;s like the gift that keep giving. You got a BHR for a reason. To be active. I say get active as soon as the Docs say you can. Be smart and enjoy your life.
Hip

[mountaingoat]

I have dealt with major depression following surgery as well - I almost think there should be a category of depression called "Post-surgical depression" because it is so common and nearly always follows major trauma to the body.

With my surgery coming up in less than three weeks I am freaked but I just try to remind myself that it is only time - it will all be better within a matter of months and so long as all goes well, the results should be downright excellent. For those unfortunate enough to have gone through arthroscopic hip surgeries (i.e, "scopes") before resurfacing, it helps knowing that the pain and ups and downs won't last nearly as long with recovery from resurfacing.

Time goes by so quickly whether you are having fun or not...you will wake up one day and this will be far behind you!

Amy S.
Bilateral Dr. Gross 1/23/11 and 1/25/11

[hernanu]

Julia, I know what you are going through.  I really got depressed and sought professional help. It made all the difference. You need someone to talk with.  It gets better. It reallyu does. I am so satisfied with my LBHR after 9 months. I am getting my other hip done in a few weeks.  I dont expect to go through severe depression because I know what this device has allowed me to do.

I push it everyday It;s like the gift that keep giving. You got a BHR for a reason. To be active. I say get active as soon as the Docs say you can. Be smart and enjoy your life.
Hip

Hey hip ! so when's your second?

[hernanu]

I have dealt with major depression following surgery as well - I almost think there should be a category of depression called "Post-surgical depression" because it is so common and nearly always follows major trauma to the body.

With my surgery coming up in less than three weeks I am freaked but I just try to remind myself that it is only time - it will all be better within a matter of months and so long as all goes well, the results should be downright excellent. For those unfortunate enough to have gone through arthroscopic hip surgeries (i.e, "scopes") before resurfacing, it helps knowing that the pain and ups and downs won't last nearly as long with recovery from resurfacing.

Time goes by so quickly whether you are having fun or not...you will wake up one day and this will be far behind you!

Amy S.
Bilateral Dr. Gross 1/23/11 and 1/25/11

You are absolutely right as far as my experience goes. I had depression, used a counselor to help deal with it, but the best thing was the prospect of recovery and the absence of OA pain from the start.

[Tim Cunningham]

I am schedule w/ Dr. Brooks for March 7th.  I think most people downplay the post-op pain.  In September I had arthroscopy and that hurt a lot for 6 weeks longer than they said it woud.

I would like to communicate offline.  I don't know how to do that though.

[einreb]

But now I'm home and I'm depressed and freaking out. Can others share if they've felt this way?

You are not alone in your feelings.  There was a good post on the same subject a while back...

http://surfacehippy.info/hiptalk/index.php?topic=2371

My comment at about 4 weeks post surgery...

My overall outlook has changed considerably for the positive post surgery.  I've had several people tell me that I just look more relaxed and happy. That's the 'overall' improvement.  There have been lots of 'bummer' moments and emotional swings. 

A few weeks back I dropped something and realized that I'd have to get my crutches and it was going to be super tough to get to it and pick it up.  I freaking lost it... picked up a plate and whipped it across the kitchen putting a huge dent in the cabinet.  I did this in front of my 6 year old daughter.  To say that I was horribly embarrassed is a huge understatement.
 
Yesterday was warmer and sunny... I should have been out on the bike putting in base miles.  I'm not supposed to ride until August, what a bummer. 

I'm at 11 months... its gotten so much better.  Hopefully your mindset will improve too...